Tuesday, November 4, 2008

I feel something inside of me. I don't really know how to describe it. Like a dull, throbbing pain coupled with a sense of hollowness which i imagine someone who's trapped in a very deep, dark hole would feel. Traces of fear surfaces now and then, ever so slightly. It makes it a little difficult to breathe. And its keeping me awake at 4am.

The little voice of conscience in my head is harsh and unforgiving. It's telling me that i'm a horrible person. Deep inside, i know it speaks the truth.
I'm sorry i didn't make an effort.
I'm sorry i was never there.
At this moment, I pray that you are not alone.

Betrayal has never felt so real.
Tonight was a lesson learnt with revolting perfection.
Potatopig may have given me a headstart into learning how to trust.
But fear is a much stronger emotion.

I wonder if i can look at men the same way again.
What's for sure, a stigma over certain types of men has already been created and planted firmly in my mind.

Because trust is an extremely fragile thing.

sincerely weinie
4:22 AM