Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Today marks the 2nd day of the semester holiday and i'm doing absolutely nothing. I'm not bored though. There are lots of things that i could and should get done. I can iron all da clothes in my wardrobe, try baking a cake or two, sort out last semester's books and notes to decide which to keep and which to throw out, learn more chinese characters, download more songs, shop for shoes, shop for belated birthday gifts and clean my room. But no, i like doing nothing. I am enjoying the ability to just stare into space for hours, watch mindless tv shows while bingeing on peanut butter sandwiches and browse through online boutiques looking at clothes which i don't intend to purchase while bingeing on chocolates. Boredom, for me, at this point in life, is a luxury.
I like my new blog layout. It gives me a cheery, springy, sunshine-and-hearts kind of feeling. I think that's what i need; a break from too much scepticism which the old FattyMeow used to have. Too much scepticism translates into too little trust. And you can't love if you can't trust. I think those happy people who are always so upbeat and chirpy and optimistic are more trusting towards mankind and the humanity that its supposed to have. I want to be one of those happy people but not in the expense of getting myself stabbed to death or pushed of a really high cliff or poisoned then placed into a big metal chest and drowned when im not looking, metaphorically speaking. (Do i not have unique metaphors?)
However, having trust in other people isn't exactly the easiest thing to do after years of dubiety and mistrust has been hardwired into your brain. My first instict is usually to wonder what the other person's ulterior motive is when they are nice to me. People believe other people would do unto them what they would do to other people. So i guess that just makes me evil in theory.
But i'm different (i hope). In a way that i'm level headed enough, (I said "enough" so stop snorting) to know how evil people think and use that knowledge to avoid falling into their malicious traps and avoid turning into one of them. Most of the time, at least.
Then again, there are people whom i have had the fortunateness to meet, who has help eased this transition. Like my darling Yuan, my self-proclaimed brother Khai Lip, the apek Mr. Wong who endlessly humour me with his sarcastic mockery of myself, Marc who is never there when i need entertainment and the very sweet kong kong. And of course Potatopig, who can be credited (or blamed) for most of the changes i've undergone.
Part of the reason which had contributed to my willingness to reduce my hardcore scepticism and be a happy, trusting simpleton is because I believe that the powers that be has been very, very kind to me. I used to question the existence of a higher, supernatural power which help people get through life and in a way, determine the course of it depending on a person's good or bad deeds. But now, i believe there is.
It is this force which had assisted me through life. Whenever i make a random decision, somehow, it'll always turn out for the best.
When i daydream while driving, somehow, i'd always manage to snap out of my reverie just in time to hit the brakes before crashing into the car in front or a wall or a person.
When i make less than wise decisions, somehow i'd always be able to avoid the worst consequences.
And whenever i'm in need, somehow, someone would always appear to lend a hand, be it acquaintances or strangers.
This same force has also crossed my path with the people mentioned above which have made me regain some naivety and trust in the innate goodness of man, an element needed for a person to be truly happy.
For that, i am thankful.
To discredit the idea that there may be a higher power which has vigilantly protected me all this time would be unacceptably ungrateful. Hence, i believe.