Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I apparently deleted the old blog because i felt like i needed a change to reflect my new state of mind, which involves more openness towards happy things and more trust in other people.
(I still don't trust doctors though. I just know one of them will screw up and transfuse AIDS infected blood into me.)

But this whole resolution to be more trusting isn't going so well as evident by the nagging thoughts i have about my neighbour trying to put a curse on my house and the people in it. The reason i think that is because between our houses there's a low wall. And my neighbour has placed a bottle of water on that wall. Normally it wouldn't be much reason for concern but in this case its different. I'm certain that they intentionally left the bottle of water there because a few months back it was a different bottle. Now they had replaced it with a new bottle, placed on the same spot. Meaning, these people had deliberately placed the bottle there for some reason. And i suspect its for some black magic purposes.
My suspicion is not baseless. Currently all the residents in this house is sick and can't seem to recover. And few days ago i developed a bruise on my face for no apparent reason and up till now its still not healed. Thus, i've concluded that it's either the black magic working its mojo or i have contracted AIDS, since AIDS patients bruise like a peach and their bruises take a long time to heal.

Oh well, I shall wait and see what happens next. Should give people the benefit of doubt since i resolved to be Fatty the simpleton who doesn't think negatively of other people without solid proof.

I think the force of Potatopiggism has turned me into a mellow pile of mush. (For those who don't get what Potatopiggism is, i can't help you. ) I watched Desperate Housewives today and cried when Lynette killed an opossum. Well, i didn't get all teary because of the creature. I don't even like animals. It was more of the revelation that a destructive decision made when one is filled with pent up frustration about the perceived injustice done unto oneself could turn out to be the source of great remorse later when one realises that one has been showered with too much love and kindness to demand redemption for the unfairness which would then seem so trivial.
Lynette had killed the opossum in the midst of anger and frustration which had been brought upon by her cancer. At that time, the opossum was perceived as a threat, just like her illness thus, she had to destroy it. However, later on when her doctor told her that she had fully recovered, she was relieved. And in the calmness of that relief, she cried for the opossum because she realised that while she had been given another chance to live, another creature had lost its life because of her.

There are times when i get mad at another person for something which that person has done, and in the course of that anger i would say or do things which i would go on to truly regret someday later. Especially when i stumble upon deeper realisation on all the good things which that person has done for me. It makes me feel so small for getting angry in the first place, over things which seem so little when compared to the kindness i have been given.

Lately, i can get extremely sensitive towards the things Potatopig say or do, in which indignation would bring about not-so-positive thoughts on how to handle the situation or how to relieve myself of such indignation. Yet, i would be reminded of the times when Potatopig would cover me up with a big, comfy blanket after i've fallen asleep, the times when he would eat dinner in the car just because i didn't want to get out of the car since doing so would mean i have to take a shower again when i get home because my face has been exposed to filthy air, the times when he would wake up at odd hours of the night to make sure i was still breathing, the times he got me doughnuts, banana pies and pretty chocolates, the times when he would pick places to eat which contain the types of food that i would eat, the time he cleaned his room and washed the bathroom so that i, with my OCD about germs, would be more comfortable, the time he came over at 3am because i was afraid of a nightmare i had about dogs, and the times i would be forgiven even though i refuse to apologise for my wrongs. These gestures may seem so subtle yet, to me, they are profoundly generous. And with that, my indignation and extreme sensitivity suddenly seem quite baseless.

Live and let live.

Sometimes, we should cut other people some slack.
Sometimes, we should learn to forgive.
Sometimes, when anger strikes, we should remain silent and do nothing until we've had the chance to think things through calmly.
Sometimes, regret lasts a lifetime.

I shall remind myself of Lynette and the opossum.

sincerely weinie
11:39 PM